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Saturday, 21 February 2009

Currently
Sex on Fire
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Never ask for help first on the internet!

Unless you can't tell anyone or it's like math homework or something...never ask for advice on the internet. Your friends are the best personal advice group you've got, so use them. Also, you're 100% sure that they're not some fat guy that lives in Walala, Nowhereland!

Saturday, 14 February 2009

My parents are wishy washy, I know.

Life just seems so useless now. (Kids, don't get scared. I'm not about to kick my own bucket) I try to make myself look forward to things, but maybe I'm just impatient. My family is really bugging the hell out of me right now. My parents haven't slept in the same bed for about four years, yet they still live together. It's a weird situation. I feel like there's just too many things left unsaid between them. And they also have some fucking two year old attitudes, which makes it worse. I don't want to be like my parents. Sometimes, I think it would be just easier if they just split up, like each living in their own home. Yeah, usually a kid would want both parents to be together, but they're both still my parents no matter what. All the bickering behind each others back is really pissing me off. I'm not mad that they're talking about each other, I'm just mad that they keep complaining behind each others back about the same damn thing over and over again. It's not going to help to keep saying things, you have to do it to get real results. They're not so straightforward like that...sadly. Wouldn't the world be a much better place if everyone was straightforward with each other? Then everyone wouldn't have to clean up after themselves when their dirty little secrets come out. Of course, what I'm saying now it highly hypocritical because I keep secrets from people, and I try to keep them from myself.

Sunday, 01 February 2009

My First Love

My first love, was also my first crush. I don't really know how it turned out that way. It first started as infatuation but I don't know how...I ended up truly loving him. I was just a really shy person, he gave me butterflies all the time. His look at me, his touch, his voice, everything made me go absolutely crazy and just literally freeze. What was really dumb is that I told one of my friends to admit to him my 4 years of crushing (but really loving him). And so that was my own downfall. I loved him beyond the reason why. And I think maybe...he tried to make me jealous so that I could open up to him...but I wanted him to try harder I guess. I like playing games. But he took it to another level. A, I'm-going-to-flirt-with-your-friends and get another girlfriend and flaunt her in front of your face on your way to class. That level made me a tad bit jealous, but I was more heartbroken with him that he would do something like that, just to hurt me. I still love him. But I'm not in love. If that makes any sense. I even changed my classes to go to a vocational school just so that maybe there was a chance that I'd see him on the bus ride there. But I never saw him, maybe he transferred schools? I regret not fully opening up my feelings, or showing some liking to him. But did I really have to? I just admitted to him my crush(love) of 4 years. Did I really have to, express it all? I wasn't good at expressing my feelings, that's why I told him. Dang, I've written a lot. My feelings for him are all just mixed up, I need a good psychologist to sort this all out. It just feels like something began, but never really ended. I just need a damn closure. Like, him telling me something, anything, like..."I don't feel the same". My heart is still searching for closure.